


'Til Death

by Roucarnage



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Blood, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Genderbend, Headcanon, Hidan has a Southern accent, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Loss of Virginity, One Shot, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rape/Non-con Elements, Vaginal Sex, non-con into con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 14:57:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19814668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roucarnage/pseuds/Roucarnage
Summary: Kakuzu and Hidan would rather fight than fuck.That changed once Hidan turned eighteen.





	'Til Death

**Author's Note:**

> Aye, back at it again with the smut. I tried writing Kaku/Hi this time, or instead, Kaku/Fem!Hidan since I want to expend my smut writing horizons and I've never written this pairing since I stayed with my OTP. 
> 
> In case you're curious while reading this, yes, Hidan is a redneck. It's my personal headcanon that he/she is and you'll be seeing a lot of my headcanons when reading my stories, just warning you now. Also genderbend, I love genderbend. 
> 
> Enjoy my first attempt at writing Kaku/Hi.

If there was one thing Kakuzu prided himself on, it was the fact he had never fucked his partners (considering they were all male) and had no desire to do so, not even when his first female partner, Hidan, joined the organization. Especially since she was a minor. Thankfully, she didn’t appear to be interested in doing it with him either. They’d rather fight than fuck and that was perfectly ok with him.

That all changed once Hidan turned eighteen though.

It was like a switch in her dead brain had flipped. One day, she was an obnoxious, religion obsessed brat and the next, she was an obnoxious, sex and religion obsessed brat. So much so, she started lusting after Kakuzu for sex and he meant _lusting_.

In the beginning, he thought she was pulling his leg as she came knocking on his bedroom door one night. When opened his door to find his albino partner leaning in the doorway, dressed scandalously in pink panties and a tank top three sizes too small so it brandished her sizable breasts and nipples.

“Hey.” She purred in what was supposed to be seductive and smiled, exhibiting her gapped upper teeth.

“What do you want?” Kakuzu deadpanned, prepared to slam the door in her dumb face so he could go back to his paperwork.

“Whatcha doin’?” He squinted his bloodshot eyes at her, silently telling her, or threatening her, to get to the point. “So…wanna have’a fuck?”

“No.”

Her lips downturned into a frown. “Tch, why not? Ain’tcha men supposed’ta be all hormonal an’ shit?”

“Not me.”

“’Cause yer an ol’ fucker?” Kakuzu glared at her, his hand tightened on the door frame and she realized that wasn’t the correct thing to say. “Please? I got all dressed up, just fer ya.” She said, motioning at herself that to, looked no different than how she typically dressed. 

“In that case…no.” He replied then proceeded to slam the door, hitting her in the process as she cried out in pain. 

He walked back to his desk, doing his damndest to ignore her as she punched the door and demanded for him to open up and fuck her.

After that, Hidan turned each and every interaction with Kakuzu into something sexual.

She’d do everything she could to press his buttons and start a fight and during it, she’d begin moaning or pleading him to punch her harder while blushing or drooling. If he couldn’t shut her up by knocking her out, he’d back off and to Kakuzu, there was nothing more embarrassing than running from a fight like a dog with its tail between its legs.

Just causal conversation turned to the subject of sex as she asked the elder all types of invasion questions such as the size of his penis. Eventually, Kakuzu quit interacting with her altogether. She didn’t get the hint and kept picking at it and to his credit, he didn’t take the bait. It was the ultimate test of his hair-thin patience and temperament.

It took her three months, three fucking months until she realized she was getting nowhere with Kakuzu and decided to go harass the other male Akatsuki members with her sudden libido and no was safe. Kakuzu later learned that she had hit up everyone else, including Sasori—puppet-no-penis-Sasori—and Zetsu. She even went after Sir Leader and was quickly shut down by a hell hath no fury like a woman scorned Konan. Kakuzu knew it was a matter of time until the Jashinist came crawling back to him and he was right, but not for the reason he presumed.

**…**

Kakuzu had made the mistake of leaving his door open for a millisecond after returning from the kitchen with tea and Hidan had slinked in behind him.

“Yo, Kakuzu.” She greeted and immediately, he bristled, the delicate china in his hand threatening to shatter in a million pieces.

“Get out.” He told her, pointing at his door before he made her get out himself, but she might like that, so he prayed she’d leave quietly on her own.

“I ain’t here fer that,” She insisted, hinting at the obvious and lifting her hands up in her defense. “Can ya lend me sum money?”

In his book, her asking for money was a lot worse than sex. “Money? How much?”

“I dunno, like, 10,000 ryō?”

This amount nearly made him drop his tea and he set it down on his desk, so he didn’t ruin the expensive hardwood. “10,000 ryō!? The fuck do you need 10,000 ryō for?”

“I ain’t tellin’ you. I’ll pay ya back, I promise.”

“You’ve never paid me back.”

“’Cause you ain’t never lent me money!” Hidan countered.

“Because you never pay it back.” Kakuzu pointed out.

“Please, Kakuzu,” She pleaded, clasping her hands together and staring at him with purplish-pink, puppy-dog eyes. “Seriously, I’ll pay ya back this time. Just this once?”

“Tell me what you’re going to spend the money on, and I may consider it.” He negotiated.

“No!”

“Then I’m giving you nothing. Leave.” He said and ended the conversation by turning his back to her.

“It’s so I can git fucked, ok!?” He paused mid-pulling out his chair and stared back at her, dark eyebrow piqued to his headgear. She was blushing heavily, her pale cheeks painted crimson which was she trying to hide by staring at her bare feet. “There, ya happy?”

“You’re going to hire a prostitute?”

“Yes? So!?” She barked, instantly getting defensive now that she heard the stupidity of it spoken back to her. “Now you gonna give me the money er not?”

Kakuzu scratched his head. He didn’t think she’d get so desperate to get laid that she’d chance having sex with a nightwalker. STI’s were so expensive to treat. “Alright, I have one last question for you, and I’ll give you the money.” He wasn’t, he just wanted an answer out of her. “Why the hell have you gotten so horny all of a sudden?”

“B-Because I don’t wanna go to Hell.” She admitted earning a flat stare from her partner.

“What?”

Hidan flushed since now she had to explain herself. “Jashin don’t like virgins so if I don’t git my cherry popped then I’m goin’ to Hell.”

Kakuzu sighed, rubbing his temples. He shouldn’t be surprised. All her insane behaviour had to do with that “religion” of hers. It was so pathetic. “And this suddenly became an issue?”

“Yes, ‘cause I wasn’t legal ‘fore. Jashin don’t encourage pedophilia.”

“Oh, so your imaginary god does have morals then?”

“Fuck you. Now give me the money!” She demanded, thrusting her open hand into his chest and glaring impatiently at him.

He stared at it, then her, mildly irked but he didn’t act on it like her typically did. Instead, he pushed her hand to the side in an uncharacteristically gentle manner. “How about this? If I agree to finally fuck you myself, will you never mention sex again and quit acting a bitch in heat?”

Despite being insulted, the women brightened up like a child being offered a puppy. “Yes!”

He heaved a second sigh. “Fine. Shut the door, then get in whatever position you want on the bed.”

“W-Wait just like that?” He quirked an eyebrow at the suddenly mortified woman. “Ain’t there steps er somethin’?”

“What, like foreplay? I hate foreplay. Now get on the bed.” He reiterated.

As he started untying the stash to his pants, Hidan leapt back, shaking her hands and turning her head, face replicating a tomato. “Wait! Wait! I ain’t ready! Give me a fuckin’ minute, wouldja?” Kakuzu was starting to get light-headed from all the sighing but permitted it.

He idly observed as she paced in dizzying circles on the other side of the room and mumbled a pep talk to herself, chewing on her fingers. After a minute straight of this, she inhaled and exhaled deeply and turned back to her partner who was delivering her the most impressed gaze ever.

“O-Ok. So, I, like, just lay down then?” She stammered, pointing at his bed with a shaking hand.

“It’d be easier if you get undressed first.”

“O-Oh right.” She gripped the bottom of her shirt, prepared to pull it over her head but paused halfway up, glaring at Kakuzu. “Don’t fuckin’ look!”

His emerald orbs rolled over so hard they felt whiplashed. “I’m going to see you naked anyway and it isn’t like I haven’t seen your breasts before with how many times I’ve had to stitch your ass up.” She hated admitting it, but he was right, so she decided for once, not to bicker with him over it and stripped instead.

After her underwear was the last to hit the floor, she stood there, naked and shuffling awkwardly as she glanced between her feet and the bed, playing with her medallion. “So, uhh…what position should I git in?”

“On your hands and knees.” Kakuzu instructed her, blatantly looking over her nude body head to toe. He’d never say it to her, but he thought she had a beautiful body. Her breasts were perfectly sized, large but not too large, and her skin was creamy and didn’t have one blemish on it, not a freckle or anything. She was perfect, except for that ugly necklace she insisted on wearing.

Hidan rolled her eyes. “Why ain’t I surprised?” She uttered but did as told, climbing on the mattress.

While positioning herself, she realized how exposed she felt, being on her knees, facedown in a pillow and her backside up like a bitch in heat as Kakuzu mentioned before. It was uncomfortable since she couldn’t see much behind her and this made her anxiety spike. Especially once Kakuzu got on the bed behind her, the mattress lurching underneath from the additional weight. He pulled down his pants and Hidan almost jumped out of her skin when something hot, and obviously _huge_ pressed against her womanhood.

“You aren’t wet?” Kakuzu inquired, physically noticing her dryness.

“N-No, I ain’t r-ready yet!”

Kakuzu sighed. He hated foreplay, it was a waste of time, but he wasn’t going to enter her if she wasn’t lubricated. It would hurt like a bitch, especially for her since she was a virgin and he could do without the bitching. So, he grasped himself and pushed it down underneath, finding her clitoris. Hidan gasped as the sensitive anatomy was rubbed by the head of his cock. As he massaged her clit, he pushed open the outer lips of her sex and poked a finger inside, instantly colliding with the flesh wall of her hymen.

She flinched with a frightened squeak, staring back at him with large eyes. “No!” 

“I’m not.” He told her, pulling his finger back from the barrier but remained inside her so he could tell once she was wet.

Hidan stared hard at him to check he wasn’t going to try anything before burying her face back into the pillow that smelt heavily of her partner’s musk. It helped ease her anxiety a bit and made it easier to concentrate on the stimulation of her clit. She pressed back into him to increase the friction, moaning hushed and shutting her eyes.

“Oh fuck…that’s good…” She mumbled, kneading her fingers into the pillow. “Mmm…faster…” Kakuzu obliged her this once because she wasn’t wet enough for penetration yet.

He pressed his member flush to her clit and gave curt, quick thrusts, cautious not to accidental enter her. She mewled and grinned. This felt so much better than using her own fingers it was astonishing. Fuck Jashin, she should’ve done this years ago.

Kakuzu wasn’t paying much attention, having briefly spaced out during the monotonous motion, and was surprised when she suddenly gasped and he felt something warm and wet splash his hand. He lifted it up, discovering it sticky with fluid. ‘ _Did she just?’_ He glimpsed down at the silver-haired woman, finding her twitching and shivering and something humid dripping onto his manhood. ‘ _Yes, yes she did.’_ If it wasn’t obvious before she was a virgin, then it was now. Perhaps this would go a lot quicker than he initially thought.

He backed up and Hidan extended her arm back to tease her clit through the last of the orgasm before crumpling onto the bedspread, panting but satisfied. She wasn’t given any time to recover, however, as Kakuzu hoisted her back onto her knees and positioned himself at her moistened entrance, starting to push the thick head between her folds.

Hidan cringed and would’ve fled if he didn’t have a steel grip on her hip. “Wait!” He halted, letting out an exasperated breath and glowering at her. “Y-Ya can’t just stick it in like that!”

“How would you suggest I do it?”

“I dunno! Put it in slower er somethin’! Don’t just stick it into me!”

Kakuzu estimated that doing that would cause a lot more pain that lasted a lot longer, but he wasn’t going to argue with this woman. If she wanted him to do it slowly, then he was going to do just that and let her be the blame for her own mistakes.

So, he tried again, pushing in sluggishly like instructed until the head impacted the layer of flesh. He glanced up at Hidan, waiting to see if she was going to speak now or forever hold her peace and found her smothering herself in his pillow, hands holding onto it with a white-knuckled grasp. He took her silence as her answer and proceeded, implying pressure to her hymen until the wall broke and snapped him like a rubber band. The pain was instant and excruciating.

“O-Oh fuck…” Hidan whimpered, digging her nails into the cushion and starting to shred the case. “Oh fuck!”

Kakuzu ignored her and continued to penetrate her, inch by inch, until he had succeeded in sheathing the entity of his considerable girth inside her. After which, he let out the grandest sigh, grimacing a little. She was tight like any virgin should be and felt as great as it did horrible since as her walls squeezed onto him in an attempt to push the foreign object back out. He felt like if he tried to pull out, his cock would get yanked off. He finally gifted his partner an empathic glance over to find her shoulders shaking and heard muffled sniveling.

“Are you crying?” He inquired. Hidan shook her head into the pillow but it was obvious to him. “I thought you liked pain?”

“W-When doin’ it t-to someone else, not when it’s j-just myself!” She snapped, trying to disguise her tear-streaked face with her hand. “F-Fuck you! Why…why are you so fuckin’ huge?”

“Most women would consider that a blessing.”

“Fuck you.” She grumbled and went back to trying to asphyxiate herself in the cushion.

Kakuzu let out a breath through his mask as he listened to her sniffling. _‘How pathetic.’_

He had never had a woman cry during sex so when minutes ticked by and the albino hadn’t hushed down, he started to feel…guilty? He didn’t know what he felt, but it was a negative feeling. So much so, he reached down and petted her head, brushing his fingers through her gelled silver hair and down her back, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. He clumsily caressed her like a feline for a few minutes until finally, her quavering ceased, and her whimpering went silent. Hidan sniffed, picking up her head and staring back at with him with wet, bloodshot eyes.

“Are you done?” He questioned, returning his hand back to her bottom as he delivered one of the circular cheeks a squeeze, and she nodded. “Good. Now stay quiet until I finish fucking you.”

“N-N-No, that’s ok! Jashin just wanted my cherry popped so I ain’t a virgin anymore!” She claimed, trying to crawl away but Kakuzu pulled her back, causing him to push deeper inside her to which she cringed.

“I don’t give a fuck about your imaginary god. I’m inside you and we’re not done until I get off.”

“T-This is rape!”

“Not if you like it.”

“Git off me!” She tried again to flee, Kakuzu wasn’t having it. She wanted this so he was going to give it to her.

He pushed her face down into the pillow so she couldn’t start screaming for the others to hear and began thrusting into her. She slashed her nails at the hand on the back of her head while trying to push herself back up but everytime, the strength of his thrusting pushed her back into the mattress. She managed to twist her head to the side, freeing her mouth.

“Stop! It hurts! It fuckin’ hurts, ya bastard!” She howled, grabbing his wrist and punching it.

“Shut up.” Kakuzu grunted, squinting his eyes shut as he tried ignoring her bitching in favour of his pleasure.

“Y-Yer too deep! Yer gonna fuckin’ br—break me in half!”

“Shut up!” He slapped his hand over her mouth which she tried biting, and thrusted into her harder, kicking the oxygen out of her lungs so she couldn’t scream or breathe for that manner.

It hurt so bad and Hidan’s eyes clouded with fresh tears that she tried to blink away but caused them to leak down her face instead. This was seriously how her first time was going to be? Raped by her own partner? She should’ve never asked Kakuzu, what was she fucking thinking? She tried her best to fight the blackness stalking the corners of her vision and at one point, fell into blissful unconsciousness only to be dragged back to reality as Kakuzu repositioned himself in order pound into her deeper and new level of pain was what woke her up again. It felt like he was fucking her womb.

She didn’t know how long it lasted as she spent the time in and out of consciousness but eventually, she heard the man’s breathing turned laboured and his brutal pace faltered. After one, two more thrusts, he pushed his twitching member as deeply as it could go inside her and grunted as he ejaculated. Hidan shivered at the disgusting feeling of his hot seed filling her and gushing down her stinging red thighs.

Finally, once he finished, Kakuzu excused his tear and saliva covered hand from her face, letting her breathe properly and pulled out of her, splashing the blanket with semen as it gushed out of his partner. He expected her to immediately retaliate and prepared himself for this to turn into a fist fight. Instead, Hidan curled herself up from him into a fetal position. She was trembling and he heard faint sobbing as she blubbered into the pillow again.

“Hidan,” He tried but received no response. “Hidan.” Still nothing. He placed a hand on her shoulder to which she flinched from it, violently like his hand itself hurt her. He pulled it back, sighing.

Great, now she was making him feel bad. Maybe, just maybe, he might’ve taken it a little too far, but he thought she’d have a kink for this type of rough sex considering the person she was. It wasn’t until he glimpsed down at his bedspread and noticed the disturbing amount of blood spotting it that he confirmed that yes, he had taken it a little too far and he had in fact, raped her.

 _‘Fuck.’_ He thought, pushing his face into his hand. Now what was he supposed to do? Apologize? He had never fucking apologized in his life and he wasn’t to start now with her. Make it up to her?

Hidan continued crying until she felt two, large hands grasping her midsection, lifting her up and thinking Kakuzu was going to go for the second time, she jerked up, nearly headbutting in the process.

“Whatcha want!?” She interrogated him, whipping her head around to glare at him, her eyes swollen and puffy. Kakuzu said nothing as he picked the woman up and sat her down into his lap. She predictably tried to wriggle away, but he wrapped an arm around her, holding her flesh to his chest. “Lemme go! F-Fuck off! Wait ‘til I tell everyone wut ya d-did to me!” An organization of murderers being told one of them raped his partner would do little to raise eyebrows, but he didn’t want that sigma regardless.

“Shut up.” He grumbled and Hidan gasped his finger flicked her clitoris.

She dropped the pillow to slap his hand away while her other one capped her womanhood in fear of being penetrated again, but he caught her wrists and imprisoned them against her chest. He kept rubbing his finger on her clit and she squirmed, trying to get away while biting her lip to the point of bleeding so she didn’t accidentally make a noise and have him think it felt good. It did feel good, but she didn’t want him knowing that, especially not after what he did to her.

“S-Stop!” She hissed, thrashing her head as she purposely tried headbutting him this time.

“Shh.” He shushed her, temporarily leaving her clit in order to pull his mask down. Once it was, he nibbled on her ear, making a startled gasp slip past her bleeding lips.

She turned her head and leant to the side to escape him, but it accomplished little as he leant after her and chewed on her earlobe. Her ears were insanely sensitive, so she hated it when someone tried whispering into them or they were tickled by her hair (which was why she kept it slicked back) but biting them? It was so, so much worse yet so, so good. She kept mewling out a weak “no” or “stop” here and there but Kakuzu brushed them off as he resumed his simultaneous torture. Hidan started twitching in his arms and her clit grew inflamed, signaling her impending climax.

She tried fighting it since she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making her orgasm again, but he was making it impossible. Especially once he turned over his hand, thumbing her clit while pushing two fingers inside her, kneading her pummeled walls. Her sudden orgasm surprised them both. Hidan moaned and quaked, throwing her head back against Kakuzu’s shoulder and he helped her through her climax as he manipulated the little bud with his thumb until it grew sensitive and her moaning turned into whimpering. She bucked his hand to get it off which he did, pulling his moist fingers out of her.

Experiencing her finish secondhand that succeeded in turning him on as his erection pressed against the small of her back and he pulled it out, positioning it between her legs where the leaking head pressed into her navel. Hidan tensed up upon seeing it. Oh, fuck her, it was as huge as it had felt inside her.

“D-Don’t ya fuckin’ dare.” She warned him shakingly, shrinking back from the intimidating organ. He said nothing and grappled her thigh, using it to pick her up and over his manhood. “I’m serious, Kakuzu, don’t! P-Please!” Her pleading fell on deaf ears though, as he let her down onto him.

Hidan cringed, whimpering as he entered her again and her aching walls were stretched to accommodate his girth for the second time. He let go on her hands and she immediately tried to push off him, but he snatched her hips and used them to keep her in place.

“Lemme go! It hurts!” She cried, trying to wiggle from him and instantly regretting it as it spawned a new, internal pain. “May Jashin fuck ya in Hell, ya fuckin’ bastard!”

“Shut up.” He grumbled, chewing on the outer shell of her ear and began moving.

It wasn’t thrusting like last time but instead, bucking his pelvis to create a lazy pace that was made easier by the lubrication from the combination of their fluids inside her. It didn’t hurt like before, but it still hurt which Hidan made known as she whimpered. He ignored her. He tried distracting her from the discomfort as he cupped her breast, pinching the nipple between his finger and thumb and twisting it until it hardened while he gnawed on her earlobe.

“Ow, ow, _fuck me_ ow.” Hidan chanted with every motion of his cock inside her.

As time carried on, it didn’t hurt as much as it had in the beginning and in fact, it was starting to feel little good but there was no way in Hell she was letting Kakuzu know nor was she going to enjoy it either. She did everything to make sure of this too.

“Git yer fuckin’ hands off’a me!” She barked, slapping his hand off her breast then pushing his head away. “Motherfucker!” Kakuzu grunted, doing his best not to turn this into a replay of last time but fuck him she made it hard.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around her in a bearhug, immobilizing her arms to her sides so she couldn’t fight so much. She tried thrashing to free herself, but quickly stopped because it brought the pain back. Kakuzu buried his face in her neck, biting the colourless flesh as he increased his thrusting into her.

“Ow! Ow!” She cried out; despite the fact it didn’t hurt anymore. “Ow…oh… _ohhh_ …”

He smirked against her skin at the little slip-up. “I told you, you would like it.”

“I do not! Fuck of—ohhh!” Her swear dissolved into a moan as he gave a particularly hard thrust that hit a switch inside her. “F-Fuck you!”

She tried her best not to let himself moan again but it was a losing battle, especially once he had discovered that special spot inside her and trained his thrusting into it so each time it was hit, she felt like she had been punched in the gut. Soon enough, her determination not to moan had turned into one not to scream as began ramming into her again, pushing her face down onto her mattress and fucking her from behind like an animal.

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Kakuzu!” She howled as she writhed in his arms, disorienting her with white-hit ecstasy. “I’m goin’ to cum! I’m goin’ to cum!”

Her walls grew tighter on him, confirming she was speaking the truth, but it only encouraged him to fuck her harder, the strength of which crashed the metal bedframe into the stone wall, chipping it. He felt a little guilty for Zetsu whose bedroom was on the other side of the wall but whatever. Hearing two people fucking was the least of that schizoid’s problems. 

Once her orgasm finally hit her, it was with the intensity of the other two multiple ten—no, one hundred—and she proclaimed this with an earsplitting scream that could wake the dead and made Kakuzu flinch. She convulsed in his arms like she was having a seizure and he felt his member become soaked in her juices. He only achieved a few more thrusts after that before he hit his limit also and spilled inside her. After dumping the last of his load inside her, his hips halted, and he slumped on top of the sadomasochist.

“I hate you.” Hidan uttered between panting breathes.

“I hate you too.” Kakuzu mumbled into her sweaty neck.

“Yer’a bastard.”

“And you’re a bitch.”

“Git off me, yer fuckin’ heavy.” She grumbled, elbowing him and he happily pushed himself off the woman, seating himself on the edge of his bed and adjusting his clothing which had become wrinkled from their little fuck session.

“Is your imaginary god happy with you now?” He asked her sarcastically, observing her from the corner of his eye as she sat up, trying and failing to brush her chaotic hair back.

“Tch, yes ‘cause I’m goin’ to heaven and yer goin’ to Hell.” She quipped.

“I’ve always known I’m going to Hell so why don’t you tell me something I don’t know?”

“I got one fer ya,” Hidan threw her muscled arms around Kakuzu’s shoulders and positioned her mouth beside his ear as she whispered into it. “’Cause you was the first one to fuck me and an’ make me bleed, you an’ I are paired by blood an’ considered married by Jashin now.”

Kakuzu felt a shiver run up his spine as he stared at her. “You just made that up.”

She grinned and leant back, hanging off his neck. “Nope! We’re married now, bitch! Why didja think I wanted you’ta fuck me so badly?”

"So, that thing of you not going to heaven because you were a virgin was bullshit?"

"Nah, that part was true. But it was 'cause once ya fucked me then you'd be my husband. Fuckin' a virgin disciple of Jashin in Jashinism is considered a weddin'."

“So you did all of this because you wanted me to be your play husband?" He asked, feeling a little manipulated but also genuinely impressed by how much scheming she did to achieve this elaborate plot. It made him curious what would've happened if he hadn't agreed to have sex with her or one of the others had instead.

She shrugged. “Meh, mainly ‘cause I thought you was goin’ to be the best fuck an’ you was.”

“So, what, you were pretending to cry like a baby before when you were actually enjoying it?” Kakuzu inquired from her skeptically.

“Pfft no. That fuckin’ hurt like’a bitch! An' it was my first time! But the fact ya tried makin’ it up to me made it all the better. Yer such’a big, ol’ softie, ain’tcha Kakuzu?” She cooed, cuddling her smiling face in his neck and he swatted her off like she was gnat. Correction: she was worse than a gnat. 

“We’re not married, and we’re finished here. Get out of my room.” He told her, pointing at his door and to his pleasant surprise, she got up and started collecting her clothes off the floor.

“Yes, we are, bitch, an’ I’ll be back tomorrow for our daily fuckin’ now.” Hidan chirped, pulling up her panties. "As yer wife, yer obligated to satisfy me every day now as said by Jashin.”

“Get out.”

“I love you.” She waved him goodbye as she opened the door, blowing him a kiss with a wink.

“I hate you.” He countered flatly.

“I looove you!” She sang out for the entire base to hear as she finally left, shutting the door behind her.

Kakuzu waited a few minutes until he decided it would safe for him to leave and left his bedroom to go have a shower and wash his partner’s stench off him. As he stepped out of his bedroom, Zetsu was in the hallway, walking towards his bedroom and noticed Kakuzu.

“Hello Kakuzu.” He greeted the elder politely and was ignored as Kakuzu pushed past him in the direction of the bathroom. **“Congratulations on your marriage.”** Zetsu then cackled, slithered into his bedroom before the miser registered what he just said.

Turns out, after leaving his bedroom, Hidan walked into the kitchen where everyone was having dinner and proclaimed to the entire Akatsuki that she and Kakuzu were married by Jashin because they had sex— _to the entire Akatsuki._

From that day, the other senior members jokingly addressed him as, “Hidan’s Husband”.


End file.
